For many of us, sex (or thinking about it) is an important part of our lives – so it’s understandable that you might worry if you suddenly feel less horny than usual. 

However, it’s normal for your libido to fluctuate. Hormone levels, relationship dynamics, mental state, physical health, and other aspects of life can all impact your interest in sex. In this article, we’ll explore sexual desire and arousal, reasons why you may be less horny, and some ways to increase your sex drive. 

How Does Sex Drive Work?

You may think that wanting to have sex is pretty straightforward, but the reality is a lot more nuanced.

Sex Drive vs. Arousal

“Sex drive” refers to a person’s desire to engage in sexual activity, otherwise known as their “libido”. Think of it as your baseline urge to have sex. 

Sex drive is more of a mental thing than a physical thing. The physical aspect is known as “sexual arousal.” Sexual arousal is when your body experiences sexual desire – feeling “turned on” – and includes getting an erection or producing vaginal lubrication. 

Usually, sex drive and sexual arousal play pretty nicely together, and one will generally lead to the other. Some people’s sex drive leads to them getting physically aroused, while other people need to get sexually aroused before they become interested in sex. It’s a surprisingly complex system. For someone to want and enjoy sex, a variety of psychological, physical, environmental, and social factors are at play.

The Role of Hormones and Brain Chemicals

Biologically, sex hormones (such as testosterone and oestrogen) and brain chemicals (like dopamine) regulate sex drive in humans. Dopamine, one of the “feel-good” neurotransmitters, is released by the brain during pleasurable activities – including sex, eating delicious food, and even winning a game – as a way to motivate us to do those things more.

Oestrogen, a hormone produced in the ovaries, is a key correlate of sex drive in women. Testosterone is usually associated with male sex drive, but interestingly, it’s related to sexual desire inboth sexes: low testosterone is associated with reduced libido in both men and women.

Not only do these hormone levels differ between sexes, but they also vary from person to person. Psychological and social factors also influence the brain pathways that control sex drive. More research is needed to fully understand this complicated relationship, but it’s clear that the brain plays a central role in people’s sex drives.

What Affects Sex Drive?

Broadly speaking, factors that affect sex drive can be grouped into physical, psychological, and social categories.

Physical Causes of Low Sex Drive

There are a range of physical factors that can impact a person’s sex drive.

Health Conditions

Certain illnesses, especially long-term or chronic diseases, can impact libido. Diabetes, high blood pressure, and being overweight are all known to affect sex drive. Effectively managing these conditions with your general practitioner (GP) can help prevent them from impacting your sex life.

Hormone Levels

Although it’s less common, medical conditions affecting your thyroid or pituitary gland can disrupt normal hormone levels in the blood. In turn, this can affect your sex drive.

Other changes in oestrogen, progesterone, or testosterone can also influence libido, especially in older people who are more likely to have declining hormone levels. Hormonal fluctuations caused by hormonal contraception, pregnancy, or breastfeeding may also contribute to changes in sex drive.

Medications

Some prescription drugs, including antidepressants, chemotherapy agents, blood pressure medications, antipsychotics, and contraceptives, can lead to a decreased sex drive. If you think your medications could be affecting your libido, discuss it with your GP - they might be able to adjust the dose or suggest an alternative treatment. 

Social, Mental, and Emotional Causes of Low Sex Drive

A person’s desire for sex isn’t just determined by physical factors. Social, mental, and emotional challenges can also have a huge impact.

Relationship Issues

One of the most common reasons for lack of sexual desire is relationship issues. This can stem from relational challenges (such as difficulties communicating or lack of trust) or issues of sexual compatibility (like differences in sex drive). 

Our relationships with family, friends, and colleagues can also create stress, which can impact how confident and sexual we feel.

Mental and Emotional Challenges

Your self-esteem and stress levels play a big role in how sexy or sexual you might feel. If you’re not confident about how you look, are feeling lacklustre in your professional life, are fearful of rejection, or are worried about your sexual performance, for example, it’s common to experience low sex drive.

If you’re single and concerned about your lack of libido, the issue may simply be situational. Many anxieties can crop up when you’re thinking about having sex with someone new or having sex again after a period of inactivity.

Mental health challenges (like depression and anxiety) can also reduce your interest in sex - and they’re more common than you might think. One of the telltale signs of depression is no longer deriving pleasure from activities you used to enjoy, including sex. It’s important to speak with a healthcare provider if you find yourself feeling low, anxious, or excessively stressed. 

Trauma

Experiencing trauma, especially around sex, can have a long-term impact on libido and an individual’s relationship with sex. Attending a therapist specifically trained in trauma counselling can help to unravel thoughts and feelings around negative experiences and rediscover how to enjoy sexual relationships again.

Lifestyle Factors

The things we do in our everyday lives have a massive impact on libido, particularly our health habits. Stress, fatigue, physical inactivity, excessive weight, and substance use (including smoking, vaping, nicotine pouches, and alcohol) can all reduce sex drive. 

Sex-Specific Aspects of Low Sex Drive

While most of these factors can affect anyone, there are a few sex-specific differences when it comes to sex drive.

Low Sex Drive in Men

Generally speaking, men are assumed to have higher sex drives. Evidence suggests this is likely due to differences in the anatomical and physiological function of hormones, nerves, and genital structures. Social norms can also play a role in how horny men are expected to be, which may lead to feelings of intense pressure and anxiety.

Testosterone plays an important role in sex drive in men. As men get older, testosterone levels naturally drop, which seems to correlate with a natural decline in libido. However, low testosterone levels, reduced sex drive, and difficulties with arousal can also be signs of underlying medical conditions, including hypogonadism, diabetes, and cardiovascular disease (even in younger men). 

Men are also statistically more likely to smoke and drink large amounts of alcohol, which are known to decrease libido.

Low Sex Drive in Women

A variety of hormonal influences (including the menstrual cycle, contraception, pregnancy, and menopause) and social factors can impact women’s sex drive throughout life.

Approximately 26% of women aged 16-49 take some form of hormonal contraception. For all hormonal contraceptives, potential side effects include changes in mood or changes to libido. If you find your libido has changed since starting contraception, consider speaking with a healthcare provider to see if an alternative method may suit you better. 

Female hormones also fluctuate throughout the menstrual cycle. Oestrogen levels peak twice – once right before ovulation and then again towards the end of the cycle (as progesterone also rises) – and these changes can affect sex drive. Many women notice their sex drive increases around ovulation and decreases as they approach their period.

Pregnancy, breastfeeding, and the postpartum period are also subject to profound hormone fluctuations as a person’s body grows, delivers, and recovers from a pregnancy. These changes, along with the emotional and lifestyle strains of having a newborn, can all reduce a person’s desire for sex (especially postpartum).

Studies suggest that many women experience a drop in sex drive near menopause, too. Menopause typically occurs around ages 48–56, but oestrogen levels often begin to dip in the years leading up to this period. This means that low oestrogen-related symptoms, like decreased libido, can manifest long before a person’s period actually stops.

Finally, women experience a range of social pressures that can impact body image and self-esteem, which can reduce feelings of confidence and enjoyment of sexuality. Women are also more than twice as likely to experience sexual assault, and it’s common for them to feel differently about sex after such trauma. In the UK, the Survivor’s Trust offers support to women who have experienced sexual abuse or assault.

How Can I Increase My Sex Drive?

It’s normal for your sex drive to change throughout life, so it’s not necessarily a problem if you feel less inclined to have sex. However, it's important to take action if it’s causing you distress, affecting your relationships, or you’re concerned you might have a medical issue.

Fortunately, there are many ways to figure out why you aren’t feeling as sexual as usual and a number of tools to address it.

Start With Communication

If you’re in a couple, discuss your feelings and any concerns about sex with your partner. What’s making things feel unsexy lately? Are you just not feeling like yourself? Are you struggling with unwelcome changes to your body? Is your partner initiating sex less, making you feel undesirable? Are there financial strains? Understanding each other's needs, fears, and desires helps create a supportive environment for you to work on your sex life together. 

Address Basic Lifestyle Issues

It may sound boring, but making small changes towards a healthier lifestyle can have a big impact on overall wellness - including sex drive! Try:

• Eating a healthier diet with fewer processed or fast foods
• Getting some exercise each day, even if it’s only a little
• Improving sleep (whether it’s keeping a consistent bedtime or increasing the hours of sleep each night)
• Reducing stress (through deep breathing, meditation, journaling, or shifting priorities)

Try Something New

Many qualities that make a relationship successful, like safety and security, might not always feel sexy. Often, adding a sense of excitement or anticipation can help to boost a person’s libido by tapping into the link between sex and dopamine. Try exploring new activities together, inside or outside the bedroom. 

Talk to a Professional

Healthcare professionals are an important resource if you’re suddenly feeling less horny than usual. They can help to confirm or exclude potential medical causes (such as a hormone imbalance) and suggest appropriate treatment options.

If you’re in a couple, it can also help to talk things through with a sex or relationship therapist. By improving communication and airing issues in a supportive, safe environment, people may feel more seen, heard, and connected to their partner – which has been shown to improve sexual satisfaction.

If you’re single, speaking with a therapist can help you to feel more calm and confident – both of which can increase your sex drive.

Get Checked

One of the worries about new sexual partners is the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). It’s always a good idea for partners to get tested before becoming intimate - which you can do in the comfort of your own home by ordering one of our STI testing kits. Confidence is sexy, and feeling secure in your sexual health status may help you feel more eager to jump back into the sack.

Not feeling horny and worrying about your low sex drive can be stressful, but remember, everyone’s libido is unique and constantly changing. A low sex drive doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a problem. For some people, it’s just part of who they are. 

Taking a minute to reflect on what might be impacting your sex drive, making some lifestyle adjustments, and talking to a professional are three simple, helpful steps that can get you feeling confident and sexual again in a way that works for you.